1 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:14,109 Oh, darlin' 2 00:00:14,110 --> 00:00:18,686 I love you in the mornin' 3 00:00:18,687 --> 00:00:21,085 I love you in the afternoon 4 00:00:21,086 --> 00:00:23,165 Chuck, you know I love you. 5 00:00:23,166 --> 00:00:25,653 Of course, Betty I love you too. 6 00:00:26,078 --> 00:00:28,509 And I know I've made you wait a long time. 7 00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:32,056 Yeah A long time. 8 00:00:32,286 --> 00:00:35,101 Well, tonight, that all ends. 9 00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,956 What do you mean? 10 00:00:37,726 --> 00:00:39,102 Chuck... 11 00:00:39,103 --> 00:00:41,721 tonight is the night I'm going to give myself to you. 12 00:00:42,270 --> 00:00:44,724 I'm ready to take things to the next level. 13 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:47,955 Are you sure? We're gonna do it? 14 00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:51,353 All right. 15 00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:53,721 Whoa, darlin' 16 00:00:57,310 --> 00:01:00,604 Whatever I have to do 17 00:01:01,183 --> 00:01:03,866 Oh, pretty baby 18 00:01:04,990 --> 00:01:09,561 How I'm in love with you 19 00:01:26,046 --> 00:01:27,869 That was awesome. 20 00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,756 Yeah. 21 00:01:30,014 --> 00:01:32,541 But... 22 00:01:32,542 --> 00:01:35,197 now that my virginity is behind us, 23 00:01:35,198 --> 00:01:38,133 I think I'm ready to take things to the next level. 24 00:01:39,070 --> 00:01:40,797 What do you mean? I thought we just did. 25 00:01:40,798 --> 00:01:43,645 Come on, Chuck, don't be coy. 26 00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:45,597 You know what I mean. 27 00:01:45,598 --> 00:01:47,354 Anal 28 00:01:47,806 --> 00:01:49,301 Seriously? 29 00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:53,501 Yeah I love you, Chuck, and I know you love me 30 00:01:53,502 --> 00:01:56,054 And that's why I want you to stick it in my ass 31 00:01:56,926 --> 00:01:58,621 Giddy up, horsey 32 00:01:58,622 --> 00:02:01,273 Come on, let go 33 00:02:04,638 --> 00:02:05,821 Yeah 34 00:02:05,822 --> 00:02:08,317 Who's riding your pony? 35 00:02:08,318 --> 00:02:10,749 Horny pony 36 00:02:10,750 --> 00:02:12,669 Oh, yeah 37 00:02:12,670 --> 00:02:18,518 They've seldom seen of your contemptuous greed 38 00:02:20,062 --> 00:02:21,789 Wow 39 00:02:21,790 --> 00:02:24,157 I know. 40 00:02:24,158 --> 00:02:26,813 That fucking ruled! 41 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:27,837 But 42 00:02:27,838 --> 00:02:29,659 But what? 43 00:02:29,822 --> 00:02:31,677 Well 44 00:02:31,678 --> 00:02:34,909 it's just now that the ass sex is in the bag 45 00:02:34,910 --> 00:02:38,106 I think we're ready to take things to the next level 46 00:02:38,974 --> 00:02:40,730 What other level is there? 47 00:02:42,238 --> 00:02:43,797 Get an extension cord 48 00:02:46,622 --> 00:02:48,637 Next level! 49 00:02:48,638 --> 00:02:50,133 Who are they!? 50 00:02:50,814 --> 00:02:52,472 Next level! 51 00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:55,703 Ohh! 52 00:02:57,534 --> 00:02:59,956 Next level! 53 00:03:00,542 --> 00:03:02,483 Next level! 54 00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:07,162 No more levels! 55 00:03:10,046 --> 00:03:12,314 I'll be right back 56 00:03:20,222 --> 00:03:22,774 Maybe I rushed things 57 00:03:41,503 --> 00:03:45,277 Sex me up and I'll sex you down 58 00:03:45,278 --> 00:03:48,541 Whatever you want is my command 59 00:03:48,542 --> 00:03:52,285 I'm into S and M, I lead the butcher farm 60 00:03:52,286 --> 00:03:56,061 And now don't you understand, I'm into any ma'am 61 00:03:56,062 --> 00:03:59,645 Sex me up and I'll sex you down 62 00:03:59,646 --> 00:04:03,069 I get on the floor, I'll turn around 63 00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:06,493 Get on my hands and knees, on your command I'll freeze 64 00:04:06,494 --> 00:04:10,205 I hope this never cease, come get me, won't you please 65 00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:13,725 But she won't hold me and she won't squeeze me 66 00:04:13,726 --> 00:04:17,213 From what she told me, she'd never please me 67 00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:20,925 But she won't hold me and she won't squeeze me 68 00:04:20,926 --> 00:04:24,951 From what she told me, she'd only tease me 69 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:39,702 She said 70 00:04:45,086 --> 00:04:46,205 I said 71 00:04:46,206 --> 00:04:49,565 Sex me up and I'll sex you down 72 00:04:49,566 --> 00:04:53,309 Sex me up and I'll sex you down 73 00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:56,539 Sex me up and I'll sex you down 74 00:05:02,206 --> 00:05:04,509 Remember, students, it's Sexual Awareness Month. 75 00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:07,261 Gentlemen, pick up your free condoms in the gym, 76 00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:10,333 - and ladies, lubricant is available... - I got laid last night 77 00:05:10,334 --> 00:05:12,349 - Same chick as the night before? - Are you crazy? 78 00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:14,813 I can't have the same chick comin' around two nights in a row 79 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:17,565 That's bordering on a relationship I like to play the field 80 00:05:17,566 --> 00:05:20,413 See, this is exactly what I don't understand How does he do it? 81 00:05:20,414 --> 00:05:22,398 He just goes out and gets it done, man, 82 00:05:22,398 --> 00:05:23,485 that's how he does it 83 00:05:23,486 --> 00:05:25,821 You can't sit around and wait for Santa to bring you some ass 84 00:05:25,822 --> 00:05:27,133 under the tree 85 00:05:27,134 --> 00:05:28,957 Dude, how psyched are you for first period? 86 00:05:28,958 --> 00:05:32,925 - Mr. Matthews' sex-ed class - Man, that dude's a total freak 87 00:05:32,926 --> 00:05:35,965 I can't wait to go in there and talk about all the ass we've slammed 88 00:05:35,966 --> 00:05:37,597 It's gonna be awesome, bro 89 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,572 No doubt, bro 90 00:05:42,494 --> 00:05:44,382 I can't take this class 91 00:05:44,383 --> 00:05:45,811 Why not? 92 00:05:46,334 --> 00:05:49,085 Why not? Did you not just hear that conversation? 93 00:05:49,086 --> 00:05:52,861 " -How much ass we've slammed?" - Yeah, bro 94 00:05:52,862 --> 00:05:56,125 Exactly The class is just gonna be with a bunch of pervs 95 00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:58,813 who are open about their sex lives, and frankly, I don't have one 96 00:05:58,814 --> 00:06:02,237 That's sad You're not bad-lookin' And your legs work 97 00:06:02,238 --> 00:06:04,189 I'm not gonna have sex with just anybody, 98 00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:06,301 I know that's what you are thinking right now 99 00:06:06,302 --> 00:06:07,997 Sorry, not gonna happen 100 00:06:07,998 --> 00:06:10,525 Doesn't have to be just anybody Look. Look, look 101 00:06:10,526 --> 00:06:13,689 How about you start off with a nice little virgin like Betty? 102 00:06:14,590 --> 00:06:16,029 Hey, Betty 103 00:06:16,030 --> 00:06:18,237 Okay, everyone, bring it on in, 104 00:06:18,238 --> 00:06:21,117 we got a lot to do, and little time to cover it 105 00:06:21,118 --> 00:06:24,413 I can feel the sexuality brewin' in here already 106 00:06:24,414 --> 00:06:27,101 - Oh, no Stacy's in this class? - What do you mean, "Oh, no?" 107 00:06:27,102 --> 00:06:28,989 You've been trying to tap that since fifth grade 108 00:06:28,990 --> 00:06:31,613 This is an opportunity You're in a class with her 109 00:06:31,614 --> 00:06:33,021 Go talk to her! 110 00:06:33,022 --> 00:06:35,069 - What would I say? - Listen, all a girl wants 111 00:06:35,070 --> 00:06:37,629 is for you to be yourself So do that... be yourself 112 00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:41,306 Or just shake your dick at her You know, whatever feels right 113 00:06:43,134 --> 00:06:44,989 - Hello - Hello 114 00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:46,550 Hey, Stacy 115 00:06:47,422 --> 00:06:49,942 Looks like we're gonna be having sex together 116 00:06:50,398 --> 00:06:51,613 What!? 117 00:06:51,614 --> 00:06:55,453 Ed S... class Sex-ed class together 118 00:06:55,454 --> 00:06:58,173 I'm sorry, I just... y'know Whoo! 119 00:06:58,174 --> 00:06:59,677 Bye 120 00:06:59,678 --> 00:07:01,789 Yeah... talk to ya later 121 00:07:01,790 --> 00:07:03,806 My name is Mr. Matthews 122 00:07:03,807 --> 00:07:06,781 First off, there's no teachers in here... 123 00:07:06,782 --> 00:07:09,949 just a bunch of people exploring their sexuality 124 00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:12,605 Right? So once you enter through that door, 125 00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:14,685 you're comin' through a No Bullshit zone 126 00:07:14,686 --> 00:07:17,149 That's right... I said "bullshit" 127 00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:19,997 Huh? We're keepin' it real in here, people 128 00:07:19,998 --> 00:07:22,909 Fart, fuck, shit, cock, ass, cunty cunt! 129 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:24,349 All rightie 130 00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:28,541 Now, listen up Teen sexuality is a living, breathing thing, 131 00:07:28,542 --> 00:07:31,357 and we're gonna explore that concept from every different angle 132 00:07:31,358 --> 00:07:33,245 we can get our greasy little hands on 133 00:07:33,246 --> 00:07:35,677 And you're gonna share I'm gonna share right now 134 00:07:35,678 --> 00:07:37,725 Hell, I've had sex with koi fish 135 00:07:37,726 --> 00:07:39,389 There, I've said it 136 00:07:39,390 --> 00:07:42,109 Sometimes you find me naked down at the bottom of a fun-ball pool 137 00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:43,965 at your local fast food restaurant 138 00:07:43,966 --> 00:07:45,405 True story 139 00:07:45,406 --> 00:07:49,213 Okay, let's do a little role-playing exercise in here 140 00:07:49,214 --> 00:07:51,165 I want each and every one of you 141 00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:53,597 to decide that you're gonna have sex with someone 142 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,965 for the very first time 143 00:07:55,966 --> 00:07:58,237 Okay, partner up, people! 144 00:07:58,238 --> 00:08:00,541 Stacy needs a partner Seize the day, bro 145 00:08:00,542 --> 00:08:05,113 Hell, screw the day Seize the booty 146 00:08:37,022 --> 00:08:40,982 That's a good union there I like that I saw that when I came in 147 00:08:42,878 --> 00:08:44,829 - Mr. Matthews? - Yes 148 00:08:44,830 --> 00:08:47,164 I don't think there's any girls left 149 00:08:48,030 --> 00:08:51,261 Mike, human sexuality isn't always between man and woman 150 00:08:51,262 --> 00:08:52,701 Stand up, Doug 151 00:08:52,702 --> 00:08:55,485 Class, I'd like to introduce you to our first gay couple... 152 00:08:55,486 --> 00:08:57,757 Mike and Doug 153 00:08:57,758 --> 00:09:00,605 Now, just because they'll be experimenting with 154 00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:03,741 man-on-man lovemaking and assorted humbuggery, 155 00:09:03,742 --> 00:09:05,853 don't treat 'em any differently 156 00:09:05,854 --> 00:09:07,933 Mike, I think you're gonna be on bottom 157 00:09:07,934 --> 00:09:10,683 Okay 158 00:09:12,894 --> 00:09:15,261 I'll be the stay-at-home-dad 159 00:09:15,262 --> 00:09:16,789 What? 160 00:09:23,102 --> 00:09:24,733 Mark 161 00:09:24,734 --> 00:09:28,189 So, Matt, what advice do you have for young people about sex? 162 00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:30,717 Advice Uh 163 00:09:30,718 --> 00:09:33,566 guys, be responsible 164 00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:36,669 You know, always wear a rubber 165 00:09:36,670 --> 00:09:40,509 Of course, it feels way better to do it without one 166 00:09:40,510 --> 00:09:42,781 Unless, of course, it's a Vietnamese hooker, 167 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,893 and then I think you just take your chances 168 00:09:44,894 --> 00:09:47,358 As long as there's a naked chick somewhere in the room, 169 00:09:47,358 --> 00:09:49,021 you are not gay 170 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,901 If you have an STD, do not tell your partner 171 00:09:51,902 --> 00:09:54,141 It is a lose-lose situation 172 00:09:54,142 --> 00:09:56,413 Fellas, be nice to your partner 173 00:09:56,414 --> 00:09:58,653 In the morning, if she needs a ride home, 174 00:09:58,654 --> 00:10:02,493 point her to the nearest bus stop before you go back to sleep 175 00:10:02,494 --> 00:10:04,053 Be a good guy 176 00:10:06,366 --> 00:10:08,349 Today one out of three young adults 177 00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:10,589 has a sexually transmitted disease. 178 00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:14,365 And letting a former hook-up know that you've got genital cooties 179 00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:16,187 can be pretty hard. 180 00:10:19,295 --> 00:10:21,822 Now there's an easier way! 181 00:10:21,823 --> 00:10:26,645 At STD-E-CARDS, you can share the bad news with one click. 182 00:10:27,550 --> 00:10:29,533 Pick from such messages as, 183 00:10:29,534 --> 00:10:32,701 "You gave me your heart, I gave you gonorrhea", 184 00:10:32,702 --> 00:10:36,760 or' Thanks for the blowjob... sorry about the herpes" . 185 00:10:38,206 --> 00:10:39,645 It's from Kevin! 186 00:10:39,646 --> 00:10:42,109 That hot guy that you hooked up with this weekend? 187 00:10:42,110 --> 00:10:43,613 - Yeah - What's it say? 188 00:10:43,614 --> 00:10:45,822 "Roses are red, violets are blue, 189 00:10:45,823 --> 00:10:48,953 I gave you syphilis when we screwed at the zoo" 190 00:10:51,935 --> 00:10:53,405 That was easy 191 00:10:53,406 --> 00:10:58,555 STD-E-CARDS, where bad news travels fast! 192 00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:06,269 Attention, students, prom is fast approaching. 193 00:11:06,270 --> 00:11:10,132 Get your free STD screening in the nurse's office. 194 00:11:14,623 --> 00:11:17,341 - Hi, Carla - Oh, hey 195 00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:18,653 Hey, listen, um, 196 00:11:18,654 --> 00:11:20,669 I know it's kind of last minute, but, um, 197 00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:23,549 I wanted to know if you'd maybe want to go to the prom with me tonight 198 00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:27,229 Oh, I'm sorry, Justin, someone already asked me 199 00:11:27,230 --> 00:11:28,285 Three weeks ago 200 00:11:28,286 --> 00:11:31,549 Oh... oh, okay That's that's all right 201 00:11:31,550 --> 00:11:33,371 Well, have fun, though 202 00:11:58,430 --> 00:12:01,309 Oh, check out your cock! 203 00:12:01,310 --> 00:12:04,724 Oh! Oh, honey! 204 00:12:13,374 --> 00:12:17,531 I've been using these since the Eisenhower Administration 205 00:12:19,134 --> 00:12:20,381 Can I help you? 206 00:12:20,382 --> 00:12:21,501 Huh? 207 00:12:21,502 --> 00:12:23,323 Uh... uh, no 208 00:12:34,846 --> 00:12:37,465 Oh, honey... 209 00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:42,964 She's a real beaut, isn't she? 210 00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:20,307 This just isn't right 211 00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:40,184 I wish we'd met years ago 212 00:13:41,758 --> 00:13:44,478 My whole high school experience would have been different 213 00:13:44,478 --> 00:13:51,869 Every day, the one thing I can count on 214 00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:54,109 So much love 215 00:13:54,110 --> 00:13:59,197 It's like a river with no end 216 00:13:59,198 --> 00:14:01,309 So much love 217 00:14:01,310 --> 00:14:06,206 The minute it seems to stop, it starts again 218 00:14:06,207 --> 00:14:08,413 So much love 219 00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:13,437 You've given me so much love 220 00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:18,390 Don't you know you've made my dream come true 221 00:14:20,446 --> 00:14:23,805 I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon, too! 222 00:14:23,806 --> 00:14:27,357 They brought me you, you brought me love 223 00:14:27,358 --> 00:14:30,941 Dreams come true every day with you 224 00:14:30,942 --> 00:14:33,527 So much love 225 00:14:35,422 --> 00:14:38,717 Justin, I haven't seen you around much lately 226 00:14:38,718 --> 00:14:40,509 I've been busy 227 00:14:40,510 --> 00:14:42,237 Well, prom wasn't the same without you 228 00:14:42,238 --> 00:14:44,477 - Really? - Yeah 229 00:14:44,478 --> 00:14:46,749 I was wondering if we could go out sometime 230 00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:48,413 - Me and you? - Dinner? 231 00:14:48,414 --> 00:14:50,835 Maybe Saturday night? 232 00:14:51,774 --> 00:14:55,549 And just when I thought the night could not get any worse, 233 00:14:55,550 --> 00:14:58,525 he pukes all over my dress 234 00:14:58,526 --> 00:14:59,709 It was horrible 235 00:14:59,710 --> 00:15:02,238 I'm sure you still looked beautiful, though 236 00:15:02,238 --> 00:15:04,317 Thanks, but I didn't 237 00:15:04,318 --> 00:15:06,237 I had vomit all over me 238 00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:09,783 You're so amazing You really are 239 00:15:19,262 --> 00:15:21,981 What? No, that's ridiculous 240 00:15:21,982 --> 00:15:24,093 I'm going to play poker with some of the guys 241 00:15:24,094 --> 00:15:26,908 Don't worry I'll be back by 10:00 All right? 242 00:15:36,542 --> 00:15:38,429 Hello? 243 00:15:39,614 --> 00:15:40,957 Anyone there? 244 00:15:40,958 --> 00:15:44,154 Look, don't be a pussy, just tell me who it is 245 00:15:44,766 --> 00:15:46,555 Stop calling me! 246 00:15:47,582 --> 00:15:49,884 Another prank call 247 00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:55,805 I know what you're up to, and it's gotta stop 248 00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:57,822 Leave Carla alone! 249 00:15:57,823 --> 00:16:00,061 It's over between me and you 250 00:16:00,062 --> 00:16:01,883 Get used to it! 251 00:16:07,070 --> 00:16:08,221 Where were you this morning? 252 00:16:08,222 --> 00:16:09,981 I thought you were gonna watch me practice 253 00:16:09,982 --> 00:16:12,701 Oh Sorry, I forgot 254 00:16:12,702 --> 00:16:14,717 Well, you comin' to my game on Friday night? 255 00:16:14,718 --> 00:16:17,181 Actually, I'm going to Len's party with Stacy 256 00:16:17,182 --> 00:16:20,093 You know what? There's someone else who actually cares about me 257 00:16:20,094 --> 00:16:22,167 Good-bye, Carla 258 00:16:24,254 --> 00:16:26,872 Justin, where are you going? 259 00:16:35,486 --> 00:16:38,005 What? 260 00:16:43,006 --> 00:16:45,078 No! 261 00:16:48,478 --> 00:16:51,292 Why?! Why did you do this!? 262 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:55,421 Someone call 911! 263 00:17:09,182 --> 00:17:13,818 So what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done in bed? 264 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,965 The two of us licked whipped cream off of each other once 265 00:17:19,966 --> 00:17:23,229 - That was fun Yeah - That was pretty kinky 266 00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:24,989 What about you? 267 00:17:24,990 --> 00:17:27,102 I don't know 268 00:17:27,103 --> 00:17:29,597 - Uh - Come on, don't act all shy 269 00:17:29,598 --> 00:17:32,093 - What if my parents are watching? - Come on 270 00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:36,829 Does it have to be the kinkiest thing that we've done together? 271 00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:38,557 No, it could have been on your own 272 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,221 Well 273 00:17:40,222 --> 00:17:42,206 this one time I had sex with this black guy 274 00:17:42,207 --> 00:17:44,061 while his best friend did me in the ass, 275 00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:46,589 and then I sucked both their dicks at the same time 276 00:17:46,590 --> 00:17:49,597 That was kinda kinky 277 00:17:49,598 --> 00:17:52,019 - What? Baby? That's great 278 00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:02,301 MR MATTHEWS Bring it on in! 279 00:18:02,302 --> 00:18:04,605 We got a lot to do and a little time to do it! 280 00:18:04,606 --> 00:18:06,397 Wanna make sure we can cram it all in 281 00:18:06,398 --> 00:18:09,661 That's what she said Ha ha ha! You guys know what I'm talkin' about 282 00:18:09,662 --> 00:18:11,677 You've gotta sit next to Stacy and be her partner 283 00:18:11,678 --> 00:18:13,757 Yeah, man, don't be scared Go ahead 284 00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:16,093 All right, we're all gettin' in a circle 285 00:18:16,094 --> 00:18:17,726 This is great 286 00:18:17,727 --> 00:18:20,157 Okay 287 00:18:20,158 --> 00:18:22,909 let's talk about penises 288 00:18:22,910 --> 00:18:24,509 That's right, everyone 289 00:18:24,510 --> 00:18:26,813 I said the big P-word 290 00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:30,589 Now, the most common question: What's normal? 291 00:18:30,590 --> 00:18:33,149 Simple answer: There's no such thing 292 00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:36,574 Penises come in a variety of different shapes and sizes 293 00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:39,005 Huh? All rightie! 294 00:18:39,006 --> 00:18:43,869 As you can tell from the molds cast from actual penises we have here 295 00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:46,526 Got 'em all different from all over the globe 296 00:18:46,527 --> 00:18:50,589 Now, the next we like to call the Fireplug 297 00:18:50,590 --> 00:18:53,854 It's short and stocky, but boy, when you get it excited, 298 00:18:53,855 --> 00:18:55,197 kablooey! 299 00:18:55,198 --> 00:18:58,685 Like a sawed-off shotgun, I tell ya All right, what do we have next? 300 00:18:58,686 --> 00:19:01,629 This one's called the Tadpole Why is it called the Tadpole? 301 00:19:01,630 --> 00:19:05,245 Because it's got a larger head tapering down into a smaller shaft 302 00:19:05,246 --> 00:19:09,245 We like to call this guy the Mushroom Cloud, if you will 303 00:19:09,246 --> 00:19:11,709 Yeah I thought you'd like that one 304 00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:13,181 Now, this is an interesting one 305 00:19:13,182 --> 00:19:15,582 Looks small, but if you know how-to use it, 306 00:19:15,583 --> 00:19:17,437 I tell ya, it's quite a powerful weapon 307 00:19:17,438 --> 00:19:20,541 It's called the Torpedo You know what I mean? 308 00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:21,629 Or the Meat Cone 309 00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:24,477 'Cause it's got a tiny head tapering into a large shaft 310 00:19:24,478 --> 00:19:25,981 Nice 311 00:19:25,982 --> 00:19:27,741 Hand that guy around, that's a good one 312 00:19:27,742 --> 00:19:29,597 We like to call that one the Roto-Rooter 313 00:19:29,598 --> 00:19:33,437 Next we have what's called the Super huge 314 00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:35,037 - That's right - Oh, damn! 315 00:19:35,038 --> 00:19:37,629 We also like to call this the Great American Challenge 316 00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:41,721 Ladies, you're gonna love the cervix stimulation on that guy 317 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:47,517 Okay, this next one's interesting, all right? I found this one online 318 00:19:47,998 --> 00:19:50,013 It's the Doubleheader, ladies and gentlemen 319 00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:53,085 It is out there, believe me Hand that around 320 00:19:53,086 --> 00:19:54,749 Okay, everyone, pass 'em around 321 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:56,829 Look 'em up and down 322 00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:58,365 NOW freeze! 323 00:19:58,366 --> 00:20:02,461 Okay Gentlemen, the penises in your hands, 324 00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:04,829 that is your penis 325 00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:07,581 Ladies, put your penises down 326 00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:10,101 and partner up with the person closest to you 327 00:20:10,974 --> 00:20:13,629 Looks like we got a small one, huh? 328 00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,058 Yeah 329 00:20:15,486 --> 00:20:18,686 Okay, now I'm gonna hand out some condoms for each group 330 00:20:18,687 --> 00:20:20,477 Here ya go, everyone get a condom 331 00:20:20,478 --> 00:20:22,109 Now, ladies and gentlemen, 332 00:20:22,110 --> 00:20:26,005 I'm gonna have you put the condom on the man's penis, together 333 00:20:27,742 --> 00:20:30,589 Okay, the reason I'm having you put these condoms on together 334 00:20:30,590 --> 00:20:34,964 is because contraception is both partners' responsibility 335 00:20:35,454 --> 00:20:37,657 Have to say that Sorry 336 00:20:41,630 --> 00:20:43,549 Mike, it looks like you got a little room there 337 00:20:43,550 --> 00:20:46,746 That's because, Mike, you have a very small penis 338 00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:51,645 Okay, everyone, let's talk about fetishes 339 00:20:51,646 --> 00:20:55,357 Now, a fetish is basically an obsession with leather... 340 00:20:55,358 --> 00:20:58,013 black leather... and bits, mouth bits 341 00:20:58,014 --> 00:21:00,882 Who likes a ball in their mouth? Anyone? 342 00:21:03,902 --> 00:21:05,726 Oh, baby, you look so good 343 00:21:05,727 --> 00:21:07,741 - You wanna do it now, baby? - Hell, yeah, I do 344 00:21:07,742 --> 00:21:09,564 Okay 345 00:21:12,990 --> 00:21:15,357 No, wait You know what would be even hotter? 346 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,015 What? 347 00:21:19,742 --> 00:21:21,170 This 348 00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:23,325 You want me to wear a hat? 349 00:21:23,326 --> 00:21:25,853 Oh, yeah, baby, that shit is so hot 350 00:21:25,854 --> 00:21:27,795 - Okay - Yeah. Yeah. 351 00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:34,775 Wait Uh, you know what else would be so smokin' hot? 352 00:21:34,974 --> 00:21:36,436 What? 353 00:21:38,078 --> 00:21:39,773 This big mole 354 00:21:39,774 --> 00:21:41,725 What?! Ew! 355 00:21:41,726 --> 00:21:43,325 It's hot Trust me 356 00:21:43,326 --> 00:21:44,541 For me? 357 00:21:44,542 --> 00:21:46,428 Fine 358 00:21:47,902 --> 00:21:50,356 - Now can we do it? - Yeah 359 00:22:05,918 --> 00:22:07,549 Ronny... what the hell!? 360 00:22:07,550 --> 00:22:09,086 - What? - I didn't want to say this, 361 00:22:09,087 --> 00:22:11,421 but you clearly want to have sex with Abraham Lincoln! 362 00:22:11,422 --> 00:22:13,308 That's crazy! 363 00:22:14,143 --> 00:22:16,445 Is it? Look around you, Ronny 364 00:22:16,446 --> 00:22:19,325 - You're obsessed with him - He was a great man 365 00:22:19,326 --> 00:22:22,042 What's wrong with paying tribute? 366 00:22:23,294 --> 00:22:24,957 Paying tribute is one thing... 367 00:22:24,958 --> 00:22:28,701 trying to turn your girlfriend into him so you can get a hard-on is another 368 00:22:28,702 --> 00:22:32,313 I'm outta here Call me when you get some therapy 369 00:22:32,958 --> 00:22:34,899 Sue... 370 00:22:38,718 --> 00:22:40,477 That was my last beard 371 00:22:40,478 --> 00:22:42,557 TV Announcer: Can the transporter be fixed? 372 00:22:42,558 --> 00:22:44,958 Or is all hopeless for our heroines? 373 00:22:44,958 --> 00:22:46,973 Will Alice and Betty make it home? 374 00:22:46,974 --> 00:22:51,485 Find out next on Babes Lost in Time! 375 00:22:51,486 --> 00:22:53,623 Time 376 00:23:36,095 --> 00:23:38,963 Forward into the past! 377 00:23:39,486 --> 00:23:41,820 Here I come, Abe! 378 00:25:44,478 --> 00:25:46,493 Ladies, you do not... 379 00:25:46,494 --> 00:25:50,389 I repeat, you do not have to have sex with a guy for him to like you 380 00:25:51,230 --> 00:25:52,658 But it helps 381 00:25:53,182 --> 00:25:55,165 Want to remain a virgin until you're married? 382 00:25:55,166 --> 00:25:57,789 Two words: Butt sex 383 00:25:57,790 --> 00:26:01,213 Look, if you like to be choked, it's okay Everyone likes it... a little 384 00:26:01,214 --> 00:26:03,133 Just don't go too far 385 00:26:03,134 --> 00:26:06,035 Blue is a warning sign 386 00:26:10,782 --> 00:26:14,076 So, what's the kinkiest thing either one you has ever done in bed? 387 00:26:17,150 --> 00:26:18,653 - Well, um, check it: - Whoo! 388 00:26:18,654 --> 00:26:21,822 I'm at the club one night, and I meet this little white chick, right? 389 00:26:21,823 --> 00:26:23,645 So next you know I get in her ear, man, 390 00:26:23,646 --> 00:26:25,437 and she lets me take her back to my spot, 391 00:26:25,438 --> 00:26:28,286 and she did me and him at the same time 392 00:26:28,287 --> 00:26:30,365 - And then she blew us You're kidding 393 00:26:30,366 --> 00:26:32,701 Whoo, man! That girl was off the chain, man! 394 00:26:32,702 --> 00:26:35,549 Hey, you know, uh, shit, what can I say? 395 00:26:35,550 --> 00:26:38,142 That little woman had a big ol' twelve-pound pussy, man! 396 00:26:38,143 --> 00:26:40,381 - Where'd she get that? - There was a lot of acrobatics 397 00:26:40,382 --> 00:26:42,301 in that motherfucker, you know what I'm sayin?' 398 00:26:42,302 --> 00:26:44,541 She was small, but she did a lot of big things, baby 399 00:26:44,542 --> 00:26:48,338 - Hey, Kim, holler at your boy! - Whoo! 400 00:26:49,055 --> 00:26:53,661 The women spend most of their time stretching their breasts, 401 00:26:53,662 --> 00:26:55,837 - adding a new ring each year. - Yeah Ooh 402 00:26:55,838 --> 00:26:58,013 They probably like it when they stretch 'em 403 00:26:58,014 --> 00:26:59,421 Yeah 404 00:26:59,422 --> 00:27:01,046 I know they do 405 00:27:01,758 --> 00:27:03,293 Holy crap! 406 00:27:03,294 --> 00:27:06,621 It's Saturday night and you guys are getting stiffies watching PBS? 407 00:27:06,622 --> 00:27:09,469 - You're pathetic - Get out of my room, RJ! 408 00:27:09,470 --> 00:27:11,357 You never knock! 409 00:27:11,358 --> 00:27:13,213 Stupid 410 00:27:13,214 --> 00:27:14,397 He's right, you know 411 00:27:14,398 --> 00:27:17,213 - I mean, this is pathetic - What else are we gonna do? 412 00:27:17,214 --> 00:27:20,157 It's not like we can actually get laid Let's just watch this 413 00:27:20,158 --> 00:27:22,077 Unless we come up with a way 414 00:27:22,078 --> 00:27:24,762 to build an artificial woman from your computer 415 00:27:25,982 --> 00:27:28,666 And then program her to have sex with us 416 00:27:29,246 --> 00:27:30,557 You're a genius! 417 00:27:30,558 --> 00:27:32,445 This is stupid, Barry 418 00:27:32,446 --> 00:27:34,237 Shut up 419 00:27:34,238 --> 00:27:35,645 Are you sure you know what you're doing? 420 00:27:35,646 --> 00:27:37,693 Relax! We're gonna give her Halle Berry's face, 421 00:27:37,694 --> 00:27:39,485 - and Beyonce's ass - All right 422 00:27:39,486 --> 00:27:41,309 - Tyra's boobs - Bam! 423 00:27:41,310 --> 00:27:42,653 Tyra's probably got bigger nipples than that 424 00:27:42,654 --> 00:27:44,957 Now all that's left to do is make sure she's horny 425 00:27:44,958 --> 00:27:47,069 Like really, really horny, though 426 00:27:47,070 --> 00:27:48,637 See this pair of panties, right? 427 00:27:48,638 --> 00:27:50,109 Where'd you get those from? They're lacy 428 00:27:50,110 --> 00:27:51,773 All right Are you ready to lose your virginity? 429 00:27:51,774 --> 00:27:54,009 - I'm ready - Say good-bye 430 00:28:00,286 --> 00:28:02,525 Ow! I told you that was stupid, Barry 431 00:28:02,526 --> 00:28:04,761 Be quiet, Leon I'm thinking 432 00:28:09,566 --> 00:28:11,060 Oh, shit! 433 00:28:11,742 --> 00:28:14,973 So, who gonna fuck me first!? 434 00:28:14,974 --> 00:28:17,118 Him! Him! 435 00:28:17,118 --> 00:28:18,621 What the hell just happened!? 436 00:28:18,622 --> 00:28:22,045 The panties, they was my aunt's I knew it It was my aunt's panties 437 00:28:22,046 --> 00:28:25,277 What you waitin' for? My pussy ain't gonna eat itself out 438 00:28:25,278 --> 00:28:26,781 What? What you say? 439 00:28:26,782 --> 00:28:28,445 Who would say that? 440 00:28:28,446 --> 00:28:29,757 Where you goin?' Where you goin?' 441 00:28:29,758 --> 00:28:31,613 Leon! 442 00:28:31,614 --> 00:28:32,829 Leon! 443 00:28:32,830 --> 00:28:33,917 Well 444 00:28:33,918 --> 00:28:36,157 I guess that means you first 445 00:28:36,158 --> 00:28:37,534 No It don't... it don't have to mean that 446 00:28:37,535 --> 00:28:40,445 Come give mama a taste of that sweet chocolate 447 00:28:40,446 --> 00:28:42,237 What you talkin' about? Chocolate ain't sweet! 448 00:28:42,238 --> 00:28:46,066 I'm your human sex toy, and I don't come with no Off button! 449 00:28:47,710 --> 00:28:51,004 You don't even have to wear no jimmy hat! 450 00:28:55,614 --> 00:28:59,323 Save your energy! I plan on Cumming a lot tonight! 451 00:29:11,743 --> 00:29:15,451 Come out, come out, wherever you are! 452 00:29:23,358 --> 00:29:25,117 You're too big for me! 453 00:29:25,118 --> 00:29:28,766 Your ball sack is about to get drained! 454 00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:32,562 Let me go! Please, Jesus! 455 00:29:35,230 --> 00:29:36,986 You were good. 456 00:29:37,598 --> 00:29:40,533 I don't want no more I don't... I don't want no more 457 00:29:41,182 --> 00:29:43,003 No! I don't want it! 458 00:29:43,326 --> 00:29:45,627 You broke my bed 459 00:29:54,014 --> 00:29:56,733 She's so big. Why is she so big? 460 00:29:56,734 --> 00:30:00,413 I musta... I probably hit F1 instead of Enter I don't know 461 00:30:00,414 --> 00:30:02,877 Here I come! 462 00:30:02,878 --> 00:30:07,325 And this time your ass cherry is mine! 463 00:30:07,326 --> 00:30:09,661 No, it's not! No, it's not! 464 00:30:09,662 --> 00:30:13,458 It's my ass cherry! It's not yours! 465 00:30:15,998 --> 00:30:18,387 Barry? Leon? 466 00:30:23,934 --> 00:30:26,039 "Press Enter now?" 467 00:30:32,414 --> 00:30:33,694 Yeah 468 00:30:33,695 --> 00:30:35,805 You're lookin' good, baby 469 00:30:35,806 --> 00:30:37,333 Whoa! 470 00:30:37,950 --> 00:30:40,829 You're cute How old are you? 471 00:30:40,830 --> 00:30:42,909 Old enough 472 00:30:42,910 --> 00:30:45,659 Ooh-whoo! Yeah, yeah 473 00:30:46,494 --> 00:30:48,250 Here we go 474 00:30:50,686 --> 00:30:54,301 I know you're probably too young to be thinking about marriage, 475 00:30:54,302 --> 00:30:55,645 but take it from me, 476 00:30:55,646 --> 00:31:00,029 if you find somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with, 477 00:31:00,030 --> 00:31:01,938 there's nothing better 478 00:31:02,143 --> 00:31:03,837 Thanks, sweetie 479 00:31:03,838 --> 00:31:06,589 But before you get married, 480 00:31:06,590 --> 00:31:09,501 make sure you explore all your options, guys, 481 00:31:09,502 --> 00:31:12,403 and bone as many chicks as you can 482 00:31:13,022 --> 00:31:18,237 Well, ladies, be sure you take the long way through Dick-town, too 483 00:31:18,238 --> 00:31:20,382 I banged at least fifty guys 484 00:31:20,383 --> 00:31:23,896 before I met this asshole sitting next to me here 485 00:31:24,414 --> 00:31:25,693 And a group of girls, too 486 00:31:25,694 --> 00:31:30,589 It was no accident that I invited the electrician and the plumber 487 00:31:30,590 --> 00:31:31,773 on the same day 488 00:31:31,774 --> 00:31:34,782 - Ohh - Whoo-whoo! Real hot! 489 00:31:34,783 --> 00:31:37,085 Guys, listen up 490 00:31:37,086 --> 00:31:39,165 If you're planning on having a threesome, 491 00:31:39,166 --> 00:31:41,854 you better to do it before you get married 492 00:31:41,855 --> 00:31:46,237 But trust me, there's no better sensation 493 00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:50,301 than two women making out while riding your Johnson 494 00:31:50,302 --> 00:31:51,581 I almost forgot 495 00:31:51,582 --> 00:31:53,437 Book yourself a ticket to... 496 00:31:53,438 --> 00:31:56,606 Try sleeping with your fianc''s best man 497 00:31:56,607 --> 00:31:57,918 and his brother 498 00:31:57,918 --> 00:32:00,157 at the wedding reception 499 00:32:00,158 --> 00:32:02,296 Very hot 500 00:32:38,750 --> 00:32:41,269 Great 501 00:33:01,630 --> 00:33:03,670 Ohh 502 00:33:03,774 --> 00:33:04,861 Ohh 503 00:33:04,862 --> 00:33:07,578 Ooh, that's nice 504 00:33:09,534 --> 00:33:12,664 Oh, why didn't I think of this before? 505 00:33:17,503 --> 00:33:19,673 Oh, shit 506 00:33:22,622 --> 00:33:24,508 Ohh! Ohh! 507 00:33:26,110 --> 00:33:28,381 Damn it, damn it, damn it! 508 00:33:28,382 --> 00:33:30,237 Honey, dinner's ready 509 00:33:30,238 --> 00:33:32,862 Oh, my God Oh, my God 510 00:33:32,863 --> 00:33:34,487 Oh, this is bad 511 00:33:37,438 --> 00:33:39,326 Can you pass the mashed potatoes, please? 512 00:33:39,327 --> 00:33:42,010 - Certainly - Thank you 513 00:33:43,614 --> 00:33:46,712 Mm Everything is delicious, dear 514 00:33:52,574 --> 00:33:55,357 Did you pick up your condoms for the prom? 515 00:33:55,358 --> 00:33:57,949 Yeah, they gave them out for free at school today 516 00:33:57,950 --> 00:34:00,950 They did? Yeah Thanks, though 517 00:34:09,502 --> 00:34:11,836 Honey, is your vagina ringing? 518 00:34:11,967 --> 00:34:15,894 Dad! That's ridiculous 519 00:34:19,422 --> 00:34:21,756 Sounded like it 520 00:34:23,743 --> 00:34:27,605 Okay, I think we've learned a lot here Class dismissed 521 00:34:28,510 --> 00:34:30,109 I'll see ya all tomorrow 522 00:34:30,110 --> 00:34:31,997 Now, remember your permission slips for the field trip 523 00:34:31,998 --> 00:34:35,069 Now, these permission slips are no joke, people, okay? 524 00:34:35,070 --> 00:34:36,669 Now if you can't find your parents, 525 00:34:36,670 --> 00:34:38,906 they're in their bedroom, doing it 526 00:34:42,398 --> 00:34:45,179 - He'd probably use the toys - Totally 527 00:34:45,662 --> 00:34:47,581 Hey, Stacey Jess 528 00:34:47,582 --> 00:34:49,404 - Hey - Hi 529 00:35:03,646 --> 00:35:06,045 Uh, so listen, Stacey, um... 530 00:35:06,046 --> 00:35:08,413 Mike, can I talk to you for a second? 531 00:35:11,646 --> 00:35:13,533 - Later? - Yes 532 00:35:13,534 --> 00:35:15,388 - Awesome - Okay 533 00:35:22,270 --> 00:35:23,741 So, Mike, 534 00:35:23,742 --> 00:35:26,393 how are things going with you and Stacy? 535 00:35:26,718 --> 00:35:28,509 Oh, uh, great 536 00:35:28,510 --> 00:35:30,686 You know, we're really good friends We... 537 00:35:30,687 --> 00:35:33,918 Hey, hey! Don't bullshit a bull-shitter, bro 538 00:35:33,918 --> 00:35:38,140 I know you're into Stacy You wanna rap about it? 539 00:35:40,094 --> 00:35:42,109 Yeah, I mean, I don't know I like Stacy 540 00:35:42,110 --> 00:35:44,029 - Hmm Hmm - A lot 541 00:35:44,030 --> 00:35:47,293 What do I do? How do I tell her how I feel? 542 00:35:47,294 --> 00:35:48,829 That's a good question 543 00:35:48,830 --> 00:35:50,077 You don't 544 00:35:50,078 --> 00:35:51,933 I don't? 545 00:35:51,934 --> 00:35:54,589 No, you don't 546 00:35:54,590 --> 00:35:59,134 You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy is, ooh, way out of your league 547 00:35:59,135 --> 00:36:01,272 Way 548 00:36:01,854 --> 00:36:03,197 What? What do you mean? 549 00:36:03,198 --> 00:36:05,117 I thought you were all about breaking the rules 550 00:36:05,118 --> 00:36:07,837 and there are no rules and we're all equal 551 00:36:07,838 --> 00:36:10,941 I am Just not when it comes to you and Stacy 552 00:36:10,942 --> 00:36:15,229 You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy, to get her, 553 00:36:15,230 --> 00:36:18,686 boy, you'd need like a truckload of cough syrup 554 00:36:18,687 --> 00:36:20,989 and a vat of malt liquor 555 00:36:20,990 --> 00:36:23,197 Really mellow her out, you know what I mean? 556 00:36:23,198 --> 00:36:27,005 But not knock her out That's a whole different class altogether 557 00:36:27,006 --> 00:36:28,509 - What? - Mike 558 00:36:28,510 --> 00:36:30,685 you need to go after something more attainable 559 00:36:30,686 --> 00:36:34,557 You need to find somebody who's a lot less 560 00:36:34,558 --> 00:36:36,125 pretty-err 561 00:36:36,126 --> 00:36:38,909 You might have to go up a few weight classes... 562 00:36:38,910 --> 00:36:41,341 a little more than you're comfortable with, probably... 563 00:36:41,342 --> 00:36:43,869 buck-fifty, two bills... I'm not sure 564 00:36:43,870 --> 00:36:46,909 Somebody who hasn't seen the light of day in quite a long time 565 00:36:46,910 --> 00:36:49,981 Acne scars, fangs for teeth, bad hygiene, 566 00:36:49,982 --> 00:36:52,638 - retarded, if you will - What!? 567 00:36:52,638 --> 00:36:56,605 Hey, sometimes keepin' it real hurts, little bro 568 00:36:56,606 --> 00:37:00,093 But in the end, we're all stronger people 569 00:37:00,094 --> 00:37:02,813 Now go out there and get an ugly chick 570 00:37:02,814 --> 00:37:05,405 Or a whore Good luck 571 00:37:05,406 --> 00:37:06,966 Good talk 572 00:37:09,278 --> 00:37:12,376 Now, a quick word from our sponsor. 573 00:37:13,982 --> 00:37:17,437 Tired of waking up with morning wood? 574 00:37:17,438 --> 00:37:20,509 Embarrassed by untimely hard-ones? 575 00:37:20,510 --> 00:37:24,061 Boners sprouting up at the most inopportune times? 576 00:37:24,062 --> 00:37:27,869 Well, that's why we've invented Flaccitra. 577 00:37:27,870 --> 00:37:30,717 Flaccitra cuts off blood to your penis, 578 00:37:30,718 --> 00:37:33,566 causing it to shrink like a frightened turtle. 579 00:37:33,567 --> 00:37:36,702 So, for you teenagers suffering from SBS... 580 00:37:36,703 --> 00:37:38,749 Sudden Boner Syndrome... 581 00:37:38,750 --> 00:37:40,286 try Flaccitra today. 582 00:37:40,287 --> 00:37:43,549 Flaccitra may cause infertility, mood swings, loss of appetite, 583 00:37:43,550 --> 00:37:45,373 headaches, butt acne, penis leprosy, 584 00:37:45,374 --> 00:37:47,133 scarlet fever, bloody ejaculations, 585 00:37:47,134 --> 00:37:48,701 and for a complete list of side effects 586 00:37:48,702 --> 00:37:50,269 go to Flaccitra. Com. 587 00:37:50,270 --> 00:37:51,773 Come on, guys 588 00:37:51,774 --> 00:37:54,195 Flaccitra. 589 00:38:01,694 --> 00:38:04,595 Mmm, this is nice, baby 590 00:38:12,830 --> 00:38:16,029 Lindsey, relax Everybody farts 591 00:38:16,030 --> 00:38:17,565 This is huge. 592 00:38:17,566 --> 00:38:19,677 We've crossed the Fart Barrier 593 00:38:19,678 --> 00:38:21,437 Really? 594 00:38:21,438 --> 00:38:23,517 Ahh 595 00:38:23,518 --> 00:38:26,365 See? It's nothin!' 596 00:38:33,758 --> 00:38:36,376 I do feel comfortable with you 597 00:39:31,582 --> 00:39:33,341 Damn! 598 00:39:33,342 --> 00:39:35,644 Now, that's just nasty. 599 00:39:46,014 --> 00:39:48,477 Oh, my God! Oh, yes! 600 00:39:48,478 --> 00:39:51,773 Hey, man, she was riding you like a pogo stick! Up and down! 601 00:39:51,774 --> 00:39:53,821 Hold on, hold on It gets better 602 00:39:53,822 --> 00:39:56,221 - Wait for it - I'm gonna cum! 603 00:39:56,222 --> 00:39:59,357 Now 604 00:39:59,358 --> 00:40:00,957 Oh, my God! 605 00:40:00,958 --> 00:40:02,525 Whoo 606 00:40:02,526 --> 00:40:04,861 Let me introduce you to The Screamer 607 00:40:04,862 --> 00:40:07,005 Griffin, this chick is amazing 608 00:40:07,006 --> 00:40:08,221 Which is why I invited her over here today 609 00:40:08,222 --> 00:40:09,597 Yes, sir 610 00:40:09,598 --> 00:40:11,645 And we're gonna be right here to make sure you go through with it 611 00:40:11,646 --> 00:40:14,173 Got your little sister's baby monitor hooked up in your room 612 00:40:14,174 --> 00:40:16,701 And we're gonna have the other end right here so we can listen in 613 00:40:16,702 --> 00:40:18,525 No Not happening, guys 614 00:40:18,526 --> 00:40:19,549 - Not happening? - No 615 00:40:19,550 --> 00:40:21,341 - Yes Yes - No No 616 00:40:21,342 --> 00:40:22,909 Well, that's what you think 617 00:40:22,910 --> 00:40:25,117 - Oh Too late - Oh, I love it! 618 00:40:25,118 --> 00:40:26,546 Go ahead 619 00:40:29,726 --> 00:40:32,572 - Hi, I'm... I'm Mike - Where's your room? 620 00:40:34,494 --> 00:40:35,997 Oh, my God 621 00:40:35,998 --> 00:40:38,877 Oh, shit 622 00:40:38,878 --> 00:40:40,733 Oh, my God 623 00:40:40,734 --> 00:40:42,424 I can't believe this 624 00:40:43,774 --> 00:40:45,405 Come here 625 00:40:45,406 --> 00:40:46,998 Oh, shit 626 00:40:48,190 --> 00:40:51,517 Whoa, you're taking your shirt off immediately like that, 627 00:40:51,518 --> 00:40:53,469 it's kinda tough for me to say no. 628 00:40:53,470 --> 00:40:55,965 You hear that, man? The shirt just came off! 629 00:40:55,966 --> 00:40:58,398 - It's on! - Oh, it is on, all right 630 00:40:58,398 --> 00:41:00,252 Put it in me 631 00:41:01,822 --> 00:41:05,051 Why... why don't I just grab some ear plugs real quick? 632 00:41:05,918 --> 00:41:08,541 Oh, my God, what should I do? 633 00:41:08,542 --> 00:41:10,996 Oh, hell no, man, is it broke? 634 00:41:14,238 --> 00:41:16,725 What are you waiting for? 635 00:41:17,054 --> 00:41:18,653 I'm sorry I... 636 00:41:18,654 --> 00:41:20,221 I can't do this 637 00:41:20,222 --> 00:41:21,565 What? 638 00:41:21,566 --> 00:41:24,797 There's this girl in my high school, and I... I really like her 639 00:41:24,798 --> 00:41:27,037 Great I didn't have a back-up plan 640 00:41:27,038 --> 00:41:30,909 Now I've gotta go fuck a trucker or a cab driver or 641 00:41:30,910 --> 00:41:32,666 a homeless guy 642 00:41:33,054 --> 00:41:36,446 Do you possibly think that maybe you could go through the back door? 643 00:41:36,447 --> 00:41:39,453 Just so you know you're givin' up a sure thing 644 00:41:39,454 --> 00:41:42,389 Your friend said that you were desperate for it 645 00:41:43,902 --> 00:41:46,072 Last chance 646 00:41:51,103 --> 00:41:54,269 Man, all the settin' up we did, he better not be pussin' out 647 00:41:54,270 --> 00:41:55,741 He's definitely pussing out 648 00:41:55,742 --> 00:41:58,109 Let's go see what's going on with the dumb-ass 649 00:41:58,110 --> 00:41:59,742 You like that, don't you? 650 00:41:59,743 --> 00:42:02,366 Ha ha! We back in action! Oh, Mike! 651 00:42:02,367 --> 00:42:05,268 Yeah, Mike! Whoo-hoo! 652 00:42:06,078 --> 00:42:08,093 Man, you hear that? 653 00:42:08,094 --> 00:42:10,745 Yeah! 654 00:42:11,550 --> 00:42:12,957 Ride it! Ride it! 655 00:42:12,958 --> 00:42:16,158 My boy's goin' strong to the hole, I'm tellin' ya! 656 00:42:16,158 --> 00:42:18,557 - She's going nuts! - She wasn't that crazy with me 657 00:42:18,558 --> 00:42:21,918 Ahem 658 00:42:21,918 --> 00:42:24,470 Hi Have you guys seen my purse? 659 00:42:32,606 --> 00:42:35,645 Oh, Mike! You're so big! 660 00:42:35,646 --> 00:42:39,704 Ahh! Ahh! Oh, Mike, I've never been fucked so good! 661 00:42:42,526 --> 00:42:45,149 Cover your ears! I'm about to cum! 662 00:42:45,150 --> 00:42:46,909 I'm Cumming! I'm Cumming! 663 00:42:46,910 --> 00:42:49,181 Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! 664 00:42:49,182 --> 00:42:51,901 Oh! Oh! You're such a beast! 665 00:42:51,902 --> 00:42:52,989 I'm your big daddy 666 00:42:52,990 --> 00:42:54,877 Mike, I'm... cover your ears! 667 00:42:55,806 --> 00:42:58,621 Shh! Shh! Oh! Oh! 668 00:42:58,622 --> 00:42:59,966 All right, home stretch 669 00:42:59,967 --> 00:43:03,037 Oh, like that! Oh, like that! Oh, like that! 670 00:43:03,038 --> 00:43:06,420 Oh, my God, oh, my God 671 00:43:06,687 --> 00:43:10,174 I'm in love, Mike I love you 672 00:43:10,175 --> 00:43:11,965 I love you, Mike 673 00:43:11,966 --> 00:43:16,189 Let them know you worked it, dust it off and jerk it 674 00:43:16,190 --> 00:43:20,215 So was it as good for you guys as it was for me? 675 00:43:22,238 --> 00:43:24,477 You know, I would tell you to go fuck yourself, 676 00:43:24,478 --> 00:43:26,746 but it sounds like you just did 677 00:43:30,142 --> 00:43:32,606 Now, Suzy, I don't know how to tell you this, 678 00:43:32,607 --> 00:43:34,461 so I'm just gonna come right out and say it. 679 00:43:34,462 --> 00:43:35,709 Say it. 680 00:43:35,710 --> 00:43:38,685 I've been sleeping with your mom. 681 00:43:38,686 --> 00:43:41,021 - Hank, come on - What? 682 00:43:41,022 --> 00:43:43,518 You know I made an abstinence pledge 683 00:43:43,518 --> 00:43:45,277 I promised myself I'd wait until I was sure 684 00:43:45,278 --> 00:43:47,252 it was with the right guy 685 00:43:47,646 --> 00:43:49,629 I thought I was the right guy 686 00:43:49,630 --> 00:43:51,198 You might be 687 00:43:51,198 --> 00:43:53,533 I'm just not sure yet 688 00:43:53,534 --> 00:43:55,901 But I like you a lot 689 00:44:06,526 --> 00:44:08,829 Hi, sexually frustrated teenager! 690 00:44:08,830 --> 00:44:10,461 I'm Blue Bally! 691 00:44:10,462 --> 00:44:12,861 And if you and your girlfriend don't have sex soon, 692 00:44:12,862 --> 00:44:15,485 you're gonna wind up with a serious case of blue-balls! 693 00:44:15,486 --> 00:44:19,227 That's right! Your nuts are gonna turn blue 694 00:44:19,678 --> 00:44:23,125 Aw, don't be afraid I'm here to help 695 00:44:23,422 --> 00:44:26,589 You've been stiff as a board for the last two hours 696 00:44:26,590 --> 00:44:28,797 That means you're reaching a critical moment 697 00:44:28,798 --> 00:44:31,581 where that good tingly feeling down there 698 00:44:31,582 --> 00:44:36,285 can quickly turn into an achy not-so-good feeling! 699 00:44:36,286 --> 00:44:38,107 Wh... what do you mean? 700 00:44:38,302 --> 00:44:41,629 See, Hank, right now your testicles are filled with semen, 701 00:44:41,630 --> 00:44:43,485 and only a little bit's dripping out 702 00:44:43,486 --> 00:44:45,021 That's called pre-cum 703 00:44:45,022 --> 00:44:47,901 What you want to do is ejaculate 704 00:44:47,902 --> 00:44:51,197 Otherwise, that back up of jizz will cause pressure in your nut sack 705 00:44:51,198 --> 00:44:53,309 to the point of making you nauseous 706 00:44:53,310 --> 00:44:58,909 In fact, your genitals can increase in size 25 to 50% That's huge! 707 00:44:58,910 --> 00:45:01,821 - So, what do I do? - From where I'm sittin,' 708 00:45:01,822 --> 00:45:03,965 even if your girlfriend won't have intercourse with you, 709 00:45:03,966 --> 00:45:07,315 the least you should be able to do is to score a hand job 710 00:45:09,118 --> 00:45:10,939 Judy? 711 00:45:11,135 --> 00:45:14,877 L... I want you to know that I really do care about you 712 00:45:14,878 --> 00:45:18,838 And I've known that since the first time I saw you in Bible Study class 713 00:45:19,646 --> 00:45:21,336 Uh-huh 714 00:45:22,142 --> 00:45:23,898 uh-huh 715 00:45:24,190 --> 00:45:26,425 uh-huh 716 00:45:27,934 --> 00:45:31,325 - Uh-oh That's not good - What do you mean? 717 00:45:31,326 --> 00:45:34,109 With that kind of arousal, it's only a matter of seconds 718 00:45:34,110 --> 00:45:37,565 before full-on irreversible blue balls! 719 00:45:37,566 --> 00:45:40,445 You better go to the bathroom and jerk off, right now 720 00:45:40,446 --> 00:45:41,629 - Here? - Yes! Go! 721 00:45:41,630 --> 00:45:42,973 There's no time to waste! 722 00:45:42,974 --> 00:45:45,625 Go! Get going! It's a medical emergency! 723 00:45:50,942 --> 00:45:53,565 Oh, yeah, you won't see this on children's television! 724 00:45:53,566 --> 00:45:55,420 Blue Bally! 725 00:45:55,870 --> 00:45:58,837 Hope you like sloppy seconds! Hah! 726 00:46:00,095 --> 00:46:03,803 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 727 00:46:04,510 --> 00:46:06,749 Man, I'm never gonna get laid I'm such a loser 728 00:46:06,750 --> 00:46:09,533 No, you're not I met a girl in a chat room 729 00:46:09,534 --> 00:46:11,006 - Did you? - Yeah 730 00:46:11,007 --> 00:46:13,021 I met in her in Teen lonely boys 731 00:46:13,022 --> 00:46:15,549 'Cause I figure I'm a teen and I'm lonely 732 00:46:15,550 --> 00:46:18,109 Anyways, it's crazy, 733 00:46:18,110 --> 00:46:20,157 there's not a lot of girls in that chat room 734 00:46:20,158 --> 00:46:22,813 It's mostly older guys interested in photography 735 00:46:22,814 --> 00:46:24,541 That's kind of creepy 736 00:46:24,542 --> 00:46:26,685 It is at first, but, you know, 737 00:46:26,686 --> 00:46:29,213 once I made it clear that I was a teen boy 738 00:46:29,214 --> 00:46:30,749 in the market for a teen girl, 739 00:46:30,750 --> 00:46:32,893 ladies were just coming out of the woodwork 740 00:46:32,894 --> 00:46:35,358 And now I have a girlfriend Her name is Randy 741 00:46:35,358 --> 00:46:37,021 Isn't that a guy's name? 742 00:46:37,022 --> 00:46:38,846 It's both I... 743 00:46:38,847 --> 00:46:41,085 I mean, she says she gets that all the time 744 00:46:41,086 --> 00:46:45,853 - She send you a picture? - No Uh... but I sent her tons of mine 745 00:46:45,854 --> 00:46:48,821 Most of them are naked It's awesome 746 00:46:49,374 --> 00:46:51,133 Well, maybe I'll give it a try 747 00:46:51,134 --> 00:46:54,842 And maybe if you're lucky someday, you'll have a Randy, just like me 748 00:47:05,182 --> 00:47:06,909 "Sweeety Pi" 749 00:47:06,910 --> 00:47:08,796 Accept 750 00:47:10,398 --> 00:47:12,568 Hi. 751 00:47:13,726 --> 00:47:15,350 Hi. 752 00:47:16,318 --> 00:47:17,746 Sex chat? 753 00:47:19,198 --> 00:47:21,149 Sure. 754 00:47:21,150 --> 00:47:24,989 Okay. I'm dressed in a tight mini-dress walking down a dark alley. 755 00:47:24,990 --> 00:47:27,421 I'm completely alone and vulnerable. 756 00:47:27,422 --> 00:47:29,405 Then you appear out of the shadows. 757 00:47:29,406 --> 00:47:32,733 You wear all black, with a ski mask over your head. 758 00:47:32,734 --> 00:47:35,701 You approach me menacingly and say?... 759 00:47:37,726 --> 00:47:40,344 Hey, what's up. 760 00:47:42,526 --> 00:47:43,645 Was that wrong? 761 00:47:43,646 --> 00:47:45,053 Menacing. 762 00:47:45,054 --> 00:47:46,941 Okay 763 00:47:46,942 --> 00:47:49,021 What are you doing in my alley? 764 00:47:49,022 --> 00:47:51,133 Oh, no. You stay away from me. 765 00:47:51,134 --> 00:47:54,621 I'm lost, alone, and half-naked. 766 00:47:54,622 --> 00:47:58,036 But I have Mace. Don't try and take advantage of me. 767 00:47:58,590 --> 00:48:02,141 Okay, sorry, no problem. Do you need cab money? 768 00:48:02,142 --> 00:48:05,175 Be aggressive. I want it. 769 00:48:06,430 --> 00:48:09,117 Oh Weird 770 00:48:09,118 --> 00:48:12,957 I'm afraid I don't care about Mace. Prepare to be attacked. 771 00:48:12,958 --> 00:48:15,063 Sexually. 772 00:48:15,710 --> 00:48:19,389 That was amazing. We should meet. 773 00:48:19,390 --> 00:48:21,501 Come to 429 Covington Avenue, apartment 8, 774 00:48:21,502 --> 00:48:23,357 tomorrow night at 10:00. 775 00:48:23,358 --> 00:48:25,597 Wear a mask. Take me against my will. 776 00:48:25,598 --> 00:48:28,412 Don't break character. 777 00:48:33,662 --> 00:48:35,773 - Oh, hello, dear - Oh, hey, Jane 778 00:48:35,774 --> 00:48:37,565 Doing anything special tonight? 779 00:48:37,566 --> 00:48:40,989 Nope, just baking cookies for my niece 780 00:48:40,990 --> 00:48:43,542 Oh 781 00:49:12,798 --> 00:49:15,001 Just a second! 782 00:49:18,686 --> 00:49:20,595 Did somebody order the rape? 783 00:49:20,735 --> 00:49:22,237 Aaaah! 784 00:49:22,238 --> 00:49:24,027 Whoo! Oooh! 785 00:49:24,286 --> 00:49:25,789 So far so good 786 00:49:25,790 --> 00:49:27,837 Uh, you can run but you can't hide 787 00:49:27,838 --> 00:49:30,493 from forced sexual intercourse, 788 00:49:30,494 --> 00:49:32,795 you know what I mean ma'am? 789 00:49:33,790 --> 00:49:35,261 Get out! 790 00:49:35,262 --> 00:49:38,269 God, be careful! You're gonna hurt me! 791 00:49:38,270 --> 00:49:42,109 I mean, you won't be so feisty when I'm violating you 792 00:49:42,110 --> 00:49:43,604 Sexually 793 00:49:49,790 --> 00:49:52,473 I'm bleeding! 794 00:49:53,342 --> 00:49:54,967 That won't stop me! 795 00:50:02,078 --> 00:50:03,485 No, you don't 796 00:50:03,486 --> 00:50:04,957 Oh 797 00:50:04,958 --> 00:50:06,141 I'm sorry, I'll pay for this 798 00:50:06,142 --> 00:50:07,805 You stay back I'm warning you! 799 00:50:07,806 --> 00:50:10,333 Uh, I'm scared, yeah, yeah I'm scared and... 800 00:50:10,334 --> 00:50:12,407 Oh, my God! 801 00:50:19,358 --> 00:50:21,398 What is it?! What is it!? 802 00:50:23,646 --> 00:50:26,045 Oh, God! Oh, it's burning! 803 00:50:26,046 --> 00:50:28,086 Aaaah! 804 00:50:32,158 --> 00:50:34,328 Did somebody order the rape? 805 00:50:44,863 --> 00:50:46,013 Fred 806 00:50:46,014 --> 00:50:47,229 Oh Hey, Betty 807 00:50:47,230 --> 00:50:48,381 - Hey - How's it goin?' 808 00:50:48,382 --> 00:50:49,501 What's wrong? 809 00:50:49,502 --> 00:50:51,678 Oh, it's just been kind of a crazy week 810 00:50:51,678 --> 00:50:53,598 It's a long story, though 811 00:50:53,598 --> 00:50:55,581 You know, Fred, I've been thinking 812 00:50:55,582 --> 00:50:57,501 we've been friends for a really long time 813 00:50:57,502 --> 00:50:59,258 Yeah Yeah, we have 814 00:50:59,550 --> 00:51:01,597 Maybe it's time we take things to the next level 815 00:51:01,598 --> 00:51:03,866 Next level? 816 00:51:04,510 --> 00:51:06,135 Wow 817 00:51:11,198 --> 00:51:13,204 Next level! 818 00:51:13,822 --> 00:51:15,773 Hey, baby, this is for you. 819 00:51:15,774 --> 00:51:18,397 I love you. You're the only one for me. 820 00:51:18,398 --> 00:51:20,405 I hope you enjoy. 821 00:51:38,174 --> 00:51:40,573 Kat, can I borrow a squirt of your herpes cream? 822 00:51:40,574 --> 00:51:43,607 Uh, yeah, sure. I'll bring it over in a minute. 823 00:51:51,646 --> 00:51:53,500 Ohh! Ow! 824 00:52:07,262 --> 00:52:09,400 I'm not in Leave a message 825 00:52:10,047 --> 00:52:11,966 Hey, girl, it's Billy Sharpe from the basketball team 826 00:52:11,967 --> 00:52:16,123 Thanks for rockin' my world Talk about takin' it to the hole... damn! 827 00:52:17,182 --> 00:52:19,068 Sorry about that. 828 00:52:23,070 --> 00:52:25,373 Oh, shoot! Aaaah! 829 00:52:25,374 --> 00:52:27,228 Nice titties! 830 00:52:34,942 --> 00:52:36,989 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! 831 00:52:36,990 --> 00:52:38,746 Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby 832 00:52:44,190 --> 00:52:49,372 Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby 833 00:52:52,030 --> 00:52:56,700 Let me slop my biscuit in your gravy 834 00:53:01,982 --> 00:53:03,229 I'm gonna do it 835 00:53:03,230 --> 00:53:04,989 I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it 836 00:53:04,990 --> 00:53:07,804 I'm there I'm there I'm there I'm there 837 00:53:15,230 --> 00:53:19,709 Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby 838 00:53:19,710 --> 00:53:21,717 I wanna kiss your mouth 839 00:53:22,942 --> 00:53:25,949 Mm, tastes like blueberry 840 00:53:25,950 --> 00:53:29,469 So good... 841 00:53:29,470 --> 00:53:32,509 Oh, God 842 00:53:32,510 --> 00:53:34,363 Mmm 843 00:53:39,070 --> 00:53:41,241 Hi 844 00:53:42,750 --> 00:53:44,375 Hi 845 00:53:47,710 --> 00:53:50,132 You look like you just saw a ghost 846 00:53:51,166 --> 00:53:52,922 Um 847 00:53:54,078 --> 00:53:57,078 I had a... a really bad dream 848 00:53:58,142 --> 00:53:59,742 Oh, sweetie 849 00:53:59,743 --> 00:54:01,789 It's okay 850 00:54:01,790 --> 00:54:03,546 Come here 851 00:54:09,470 --> 00:54:12,568 I had an amazing time last night 852 00:54:13,758 --> 00:54:16,637 Oh l'm sorry 853 00:54:16,638 --> 00:54:18,109 Do you have a toilet? 854 00:54:18,110 --> 00:54:20,413 Oh Yeah, it's right over there 855 00:54:20,414 --> 00:54:22,104 Ohh 856 00:54:27,102 --> 00:54:30,484 Mmm long night 857 00:54:32,862 --> 00:54:35,763 - Hello - Aaah! 858 00:54:36,030 --> 00:54:38,233 Who the hell are you? 859 00:54:38,558 --> 00:54:41,022 Why don't you ask your dick? 860 00:54:41,023 --> 00:54:42,525 What is going on here? 861 00:54:42,526 --> 00:54:45,117 - Relax, Len - How do you know my name? 862 00:54:45,118 --> 00:54:47,838 Uh, I usually like to know the name of the guy 863 00:54:47,838 --> 00:54:49,725 who's fucking my mouth 864 00:54:49,726 --> 00:54:51,165 Nobody fucked anybody's mouth last night! 865 00:54:51,166 --> 00:54:53,789 Fine Nobody fucked my mouth last night 866 00:54:53,790 --> 00:54:55,166 And I guess 867 00:54:55,167 --> 00:54:59,741 nobody was three knuckles deep in my sphincter, either 868 00:54:59,742 --> 00:55:01,917 Jesus Christ, what were you doing, 869 00:55:01,918 --> 00:55:04,062 reaching for, like, a winning lottery ticket or something? 870 00:55:04,063 --> 00:55:07,030 I could feel you in my small intestines 871 00:55:08,958 --> 00:55:10,845 Oh, look what the cat dragged in 872 00:55:10,846 --> 00:55:13,725 - Do you have any matches? - Such diarrhea Ugh 873 00:55:13,726 --> 00:55:15,678 I'll air that out All right? 874 00:55:15,678 --> 00:55:18,909 What I need right now is for you to leave my house 875 00:55:18,910 --> 00:55:20,253 My parents are coming home this afternoon 876 00:55:20,254 --> 00:55:21,405 and I need to start cleaning up 877 00:55:21,406 --> 00:55:23,325 Sorry Dick hair 878 00:55:23,326 --> 00:55:25,085 Those weren't your parents we met last night? 879 00:55:25,086 --> 00:55:27,198 My parents are in Cancun 880 00:55:27,198 --> 00:55:30,621 Yeah Yeah Right. 881 00:55:30,622 --> 00:55:33,245 If you say your parents aren't here, 882 00:55:33,246 --> 00:55:35,453 then we'll just believe that your parents weren't here 883 00:55:35,454 --> 00:55:37,309 Maybe it was your aunt and uncle 884 00:55:37,310 --> 00:55:39,805 I don't care I came here to fuck 885 00:55:39,806 --> 00:55:41,309 and get fucked. 886 00:55:41,310 --> 00:55:44,445 And you know, I got fucked last night Fucked good 887 00:55:44,446 --> 00:55:46,046 Okay Very funny 888 00:55:46,047 --> 00:55:47,773 The, uh, the joke's over 889 00:55:47,774 --> 00:55:49,821 This has been a delightful little prank that you guys have played on me, 890 00:55:49,822 --> 00:55:52,381 but now it's time for you to respect my wishes 891 00:55:52,382 --> 00:55:55,869 and please get the hell out of my house! 892 00:55:55,870 --> 00:55:57,533 Yeah 893 00:55:57,534 --> 00:56:00,637 You're right The whole thing was a prank 894 00:56:00,638 --> 00:56:02,877 After we invited you for a threesome, 895 00:56:02,878 --> 00:56:07,453 I got blueberry yogurt and I smeared it all over my face and your balls 896 00:56:07,454 --> 00:56:09,597 to make it look like you fucked my mouth 897 00:56:09,598 --> 00:56:12,701 And then I dig my fingers in my asshole 898 00:56:12,702 --> 00:56:15,901 and put some of my butt stink on your hands 899 00:56:15,902 --> 00:56:20,157 And then I put some moisturizer up on the ceiling 900 00:56:20,158 --> 00:56:22,205 to make it look like you shoot a load up there 901 00:56:22,206 --> 00:56:25,053 Pooh! Yeah! All a joke 902 00:56:25,534 --> 00:56:28,796 Please just get the hell out 903 00:56:29,374 --> 00:56:32,155 - Fine - Whatever 904 00:56:32,958 --> 00:56:35,925 Please, just... just leave 905 00:56:36,254 --> 00:56:38,676 Ooh So kind 906 00:56:48,254 --> 00:56:51,069 If you say your parents aren't here, 907 00:56:51,070 --> 00:56:53,085 then we'll just believe that your parents aren't here. 908 00:56:53,086 --> 00:56:56,283 Maybe it was your aunt and uncle. Mm-hmm. 909 00:57:01,982 --> 00:57:05,309 Oh thank God 910 00:57:17,310 --> 00:57:19,645 Oh, please, God, don't let them be home 911 00:57:19,646 --> 00:57:25,243 I swear I'll never drink again just... just don't let them be here 912 00:57:30,718 --> 00:57:32,606 Hello 913 00:57:32,607 --> 00:57:36,348 So, you guys are home early 914 00:57:37,726 --> 00:57:40,474 Did you just get in? 915 00:57:43,518 --> 00:57:45,340 How was your second honeymoon? 916 00:57:47,070 --> 00:57:49,110 Oh! No! 917 00:57:52,318 --> 00:57:54,619 Get the hell out of our sight 918 00:57:58,590 --> 00:58:00,018 Okay 919 00:58:00,670 --> 00:58:02,397 How could you!? 920 00:58:02,398 --> 00:58:05,181 How could you!? How could you!? 921 00:58:05,182 --> 00:58:07,123 Ohh! 922 00:58:12,382 --> 00:58:14,716 Len, can we talk? 923 00:58:15,070 --> 00:58:17,688 Um, just a minute 924 00:58:22,494 --> 00:58:24,798 What, you been doing a little spackling work on the ceiling? 925 00:58:24,798 --> 00:58:27,517 Oh, God, Dad, no This... it's not... 926 00:58:27,518 --> 00:58:29,053 Your mother and I are disgusted with you, Len 927 00:58:29,054 --> 00:58:30,173 Well, uh... 928 00:58:30,174 --> 00:58:32,126 Look at her 929 00:58:32,127 --> 00:58:33,981 - You don't understand - Son, 930 00:58:33,982 --> 00:58:37,047 I have one question for you, and I'm only gonna ask it once 931 00:58:37,598 --> 00:58:39,741 Have you been sneaking behind our backs 932 00:58:39,742 --> 00:58:41,847 and being on a hidden camera show? 933 00:58:42,590 --> 00:58:44,630 - What? - Look over there 934 00:58:46,366 --> 00:58:49,813 No No, no, no, no, no! You didn't! 935 00:58:51,550 --> 00:58:53,917 They were in there the whole time? 936 00:58:54,046 --> 00:58:55,541 Gotcha! 937 00:58:55,775 --> 00:58:56,861 No! 938 00:58:56,862 --> 00:58:58,109 Hey, buddy! 939 00:58:58,110 --> 00:59:00,956 Fuck anybody in their mouth lately? 940 00:59:01,918 --> 00:59:03,229 Look at his face! 941 00:59:03,230 --> 00:59:04,925 How could you do this to me? 942 00:59:04,926 --> 00:59:06,649 Wait Who am I? 943 00:59:10,654 --> 00:59:14,330 We roofied you, honey 944 00:59:16,287 --> 00:59:17,885 Wait, wait, wait... so I didn't fuck you 945 00:59:17,886 --> 00:59:18,973 and you didn't fuck me? 946 00:59:18,974 --> 00:59:21,908 Well, I fucked you a little, but it wasn't all faggy 947 00:59:30,110 --> 00:59:33,021 Mr. Tight Sphincter ha ha ha ha! 948 00:59:33,022 --> 00:59:35,197 Mark 949 00:59:35,198 --> 00:59:37,662 Fellas, personal advice from me to you: 950 00:59:37,663 --> 00:59:39,582 Get in there and shave that shit up 951 00:59:39,583 --> 00:59:42,621 Visually, it will give yourself an extra two or three inches 952 00:59:42,622 --> 00:59:45,149 If you're having anal intercourse, 953 00:59:45,150 --> 00:59:46,813 whatever you do, 954 00:59:46,814 --> 00:59:50,238 pull out and deposit your sperm on her back 955 00:59:50,238 --> 00:59:52,989 She'll appreciate it in the long run 956 00:59:52,990 --> 00:59:55,902 Alcohol and sex don't mix 957 00:59:55,903 --> 00:59:58,493 Cocaine and sex 958 00:59:58,494 --> 01:00:01,501 If you don't have a rubber, don't panic, whatever you do 959 01:00:01,502 --> 01:00:03,069 Watch this Ready? 960 01:00:03,070 --> 01:00:05,972 "Hold on a sec, babe Lemme grab my jimmy hat" 961 01:00:08,094 --> 01:00:10,333 And then pantomime 962 01:00:10,334 --> 01:00:14,425 "Oh! It's so small! The rubber" 963 01:00:15,678 --> 01:00:18,589 And then you lock and load 964 01:00:18,590 --> 01:00:21,208 She'll never know 965 01:00:21,823 --> 01:00:23,677 - Damn! - Oh, my God! 966 01:00:23,678 --> 01:00:25,751 Ohh, what died? 967 01:00:26,367 --> 01:00:29,301 Girl, you gotta stop being so comfortable! 968 01:00:32,638 --> 01:00:35,965 - Hey, pretty sweet field trip, huh? - Yeah, it was cool 969 01:00:36,575 --> 01:00:38,843 So, Stacy, I wanted to ask you something 970 01:00:39,294 --> 01:00:40,984 Hey, man, I'm gonna catch you inside, all right? 971 01:00:41,886 --> 01:00:43,646 - Uh - So what'd you want to tell me? 972 01:00:43,647 --> 01:00:45,085 You know what, it can wait 973 01:00:45,086 --> 01:00:47,645 Hey, man, fake any orgasms lately? 974 01:00:47,646 --> 01:00:49,947 - Fuck off - What? 975 01:00:51,422 --> 01:00:52,573 Ew 976 01:00:52,574 --> 01:00:54,515 Are you okay? 977 01:00:54,815 --> 01:00:56,029 Yeah 978 01:00:56,030 --> 01:00:57,883 Why is that guy so tall? 979 01:00:58,526 --> 01:01:00,413 Great Yeah, I should be okay 980 01:01:00,414 --> 01:01:02,781 I'll just go try to clean up before we eat 981 01:01:02,782 --> 01:01:05,433 - Uh, see you inside? - Okay 982 01:01:12,222 --> 01:01:13,814 Sorry! 983 01:01:28,030 --> 01:01:29,501 Guys 984 01:01:29,502 --> 01:01:32,665 Can someone help me get off the bus? 985 01:01:33,086 --> 01:01:34,995 Hello? 986 01:01:35,966 --> 01:01:38,781 - Hello? Ah, there you are 987 01:01:38,782 --> 01:01:41,596 Everybody's waiting for you Come on 988 01:01:45,246 --> 01:01:49,587 Oh, yeah 989 01:01:53,150 --> 01:01:57,077 - Oh, yeah - Oh 990 01:01:59,806 --> 01:02:01,597 Licking, licking 991 01:02:01,598 --> 01:02:04,221 - Oh! Oh! Suck, suck, suck! 992 01:02:04,222 --> 01:02:06,425 Oh, yeah! 993 01:02:08,958 --> 01:02:11,641 Keep 'em shakin' 994 01:02:13,887 --> 01:02:15,677 Show 'em to me 995 01:02:15,678 --> 01:02:17,106 Tits 996 01:02:18,046 --> 01:02:20,509 Ohh, yeah! 997 01:02:20,510 --> 01:02:21,981 That's it, Nance 998 01:02:21,982 --> 01:02:24,669 Cut! Great job, girls 999 01:02:24,670 --> 01:02:27,165 Nancy, nice licking 1000 01:02:27,166 --> 01:02:29,304 Very good sucking, too 1001 01:02:29,630 --> 01:02:32,637 - Okay, he's here - It's about time 1002 01:02:32,638 --> 01:02:33,821 Listen, I know it's your first day, 1003 01:02:33,822 --> 01:02:35,517 but we got some stuff to shoot, all right? 1004 01:02:35,518 --> 01:02:37,085 - Uh... wha... - Now, listen 1005 01:02:37,086 --> 01:02:39,421 The way I view this film, 1006 01:02:39,422 --> 01:02:42,397 it's a spiritual successor to Rebel Without A Cause... 1007 01:02:42,398 --> 01:02:45,496 only with a lot more fucking Ha ha! 1008 01:02:46,014 --> 01:02:49,181 Uh, right Um, you guys, I think there's been a small... 1009 01:02:49,182 --> 01:02:51,604 I'm really looking forward to working with you 1010 01:02:52,222 --> 01:02:56,061 Jackie and I are especially curious how you got the name Gigundo-cock 1011 01:02:56,062 --> 01:02:59,069 Oh, I can't wait to wrap my hands around 1012 01:02:59,070 --> 01:03:01,309 the biggest penis in the biz 1013 01:03:01,310 --> 01:03:03,997 "Penis"? I haven't heard that word for a long time 1014 01:03:03,998 --> 01:03:06,621 - I usually just call it "dinner" - Mmm 1015 01:03:06,622 --> 01:03:08,695 Okay, everybody on set! 1016 01:03:10,654 --> 01:03:12,157 I told you they wouldn't have any beer 1017 01:03:12,158 --> 01:03:13,789 Oh, man, how was I supposed to know? 1018 01:03:13,790 --> 01:03:16,638 - Oh, man! Sweet car! Here's the scene: 1019 01:03:16,638 --> 01:03:19,005 You've just helped these girls fix their car 1020 01:03:19,006 --> 01:03:21,789 And so to repay you, you get to bang 'em 1021 01:03:21,790 --> 01:03:24,797 Now, Nancy right here, she's gonna start by blowing you 1022 01:03:24,798 --> 01:03:27,261 Then you're gonna do some back-door stuff with Jackie 1023 01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:29,309 Bro, check this out 1024 01:03:29,310 --> 01:03:31,581 After that, just feel free to improvise 1025 01:03:31,582 --> 01:03:33,785 All right 1026 01:03:35,966 --> 01:03:37,725 Hey, you gonna need a fluffer? 1027 01:03:37,726 --> 01:03:39,253 Uh... uh... 1028 01:03:40,318 --> 01:03:41,757 All rightie 1029 01:03:41,758 --> 01:03:44,478 let's see that gigundo-cock 1030 01:03:44,478 --> 01:03:47,958 And action! 1031 01:03:48,094 --> 01:03:51,389 Thank you so much for fixing our car 1032 01:03:51,390 --> 01:03:54,172 How can we ever repay you? 1033 01:04:06,942 --> 01:04:08,349 What? 1034 01:04:10,430 --> 01:04:13,661 - Cut! - Hey, sorry I'm late 1035 01:04:13,662 --> 01:04:15,800 I'm Gigundo-cock 1036 01:04:18,270 --> 01:04:19,862 Damn 1037 01:04:25,630 --> 01:04:29,469 Yeah, I'm not Gigundo-cock 1038 01:04:29,470 --> 01:04:33,438 I'm just a small-town hick 1039 01:04:33,438 --> 01:04:37,117 An 18-year-old virgin 1040 01:04:37,118 --> 01:04:41,111 With a super-tiny dick 1041 01:04:41,758 --> 01:04:45,693 Kid, I've seen this once before 1042 01:04:45,694 --> 01:04:49,758 A boy who wished he was Ang Lee 1043 01:04:49,758 --> 01:04:53,565 Found he couldn't frame a shot 1044 01:04:53,566 --> 01:04:57,820 That's right, that little boy was me 1045 01:04:58,238 --> 01:05:01,949 It wasn't my first choice 1046 01:05:01,950 --> 01:05:05,244 My parents think I'm in college 1047 01:05:06,110 --> 01:05:09,341 I thought I'd be doing theater 1048 01:05:09,342 --> 01:05:12,509 On Broadway 1049 01:05:12,510 --> 01:05:14,237 We're just accidentally 1050 01:05:14,238 --> 01:05:17,533 Incidentally, unintentionally making porn 1051 01:05:17,534 --> 01:05:21,469 Accidentally, incidentally, unintentionally 1052 01:05:21,470 --> 01:05:22,589 Making porn 1053 01:05:22,590 --> 01:05:27,063 Not me, I do it 'cause I fuckin' like it 1054 01:05:28,254 --> 01:05:32,221 Girl-on-girl pays fifty bucks 1055 01:05:32,222 --> 01:05:36,029 I get double for back-door fucks 1056 01:05:36,030 --> 01:05:40,189 How I got here I'll never know 1057 01:05:40,190 --> 01:05:43,933 Beats Mexico and that donkey show 1058 01:05:43,934 --> 01:05:46,046 All these tits got me in the mood 1059 01:05:46,047 --> 01:05:48,318 We're the ones who should be getting screwed 1060 01:05:48,318 --> 01:05:51,581 Let us be your man-whores 1061 01:05:51,582 --> 01:05:56,284 Will someone show these assholes the door? 1062 01:05:58,238 --> 01:06:01,021 I found my home here 1063 01:06:01,022 --> 01:06:03,901 On this porn set 1064 01:06:03,902 --> 01:06:06,389 Better hurry up or I won't stay wet 1065 01:06:25,694 --> 01:06:27,450 Fuck yeah! 1066 01:06:33,182 --> 01:06:36,379 Wow Thanks for being so cool about everything 1067 01:06:36,894 --> 01:06:38,301 I feel like I should tell you, though, 1068 01:06:38,302 --> 01:06:40,605 I don't really think this is the life for me 1069 01:06:40,606 --> 01:06:43,069 You've got balls, kid 1070 01:06:43,070 --> 01:06:45,214 very large balls 1071 01:06:45,215 --> 01:06:47,997 You show that kind of confidence in real life, 1072 01:06:47,998 --> 01:06:51,292 you're gonna be fine, just fine 1073 01:06:52,126 --> 01:06:53,661 All right, let's reset 1074 01:06:53,662 --> 01:06:55,767 Back to one 1075 01:07:05,214 --> 01:07:07,294 Dude, what happened in there after we left? 1076 01:07:07,295 --> 01:07:09,301 Yo, bro, do you know those chicks? 1077 01:07:17,470 --> 01:07:19,741 Yeah, Mike! That's what I'm talkin' about! 1078 01:07:19,742 --> 01:07:21,880 Dude, yes! 1079 01:07:26,526 --> 01:07:28,315 Whoa 1080 01:07:29,150 --> 01:07:31,933 Look, Stacy 1081 01:07:31,934 --> 01:07:33,853 I'm not sexually experienced, 1082 01:07:33,854 --> 01:07:37,432 and I'm not some famous porn star named Gigundo-cock 1083 01:07:38,398 --> 01:07:42,845 Look, I'm just some regular kid who just wants to ask out a very 1084 01:07:42,846 --> 01:07:45,431 very beautiful girl 1085 01:07:46,718 --> 01:07:48,829 Don't call past 10:00 1086 01:07:48,830 --> 01:07:50,553 My dad'll kill me 1087 01:07:54,398 --> 01:07:58,390 Screw her for me, dude! Yes! 1088 01:08:06,334 --> 01:08:08,637 Fellas, you gotta be respectful of your ladies 1089 01:08:08,638 --> 01:08:11,165 Whatever you do, don't go around your boys telling them 1090 01:08:11,166 --> 01:08:13,182 all the gruesome details 1091 01:08:13,183 --> 01:08:15,549 But me, on the other hand, I'm married with two kids, 1092 01:08:15,550 --> 01:08:17,118 I like all dirty stuff 1093 01:08:17,118 --> 01:08:20,381 This website will go directly to me, and only me 1094 01:08:20,382 --> 01:08:23,901 Send me all pictures, streaming videos, letters... 1095 01:08:23,902 --> 01:08:25,693 as bizarre as you want 1096 01:08:25,694 --> 01:08:27,965 I'll read them all, and masturbate all night 1097 01:08:27,966 --> 01:08:30,682 Thank you I'm Matthew Lillard 1098 01:08:37,183 --> 01:08:39,198 She's got that kind of booty 1099 01:08:39,198 --> 01:08:40,957 Little mama, come here and do me 1100 01:08:40,958 --> 01:08:42,717 She's got that kind of booty 1101 01:08:42,718 --> 01:08:44,445 The type that'll drive you looney 1102 01:08:44,446 --> 01:08:48,029 She's got that kind of booty, pack it up and bring it to me 1103 01:08:48,030 --> 01:08:51,261 Smack it up, let's make a movie, she's got that kind of booty 1104 01:08:51,262 --> 01:08:54,909 Shake that booty, cutie, up and down and all around 1105 01:08:54,910 --> 01:08:58,398 That big ol' juicy brown ass, Shorty, go to town 1106 01:08:58,398 --> 01:09:01,949 Kick it smooth like Luther Vandy, so good, like chewing candy 1107 01:09:01,950 --> 01:09:05,469 In the middle of M-I-ami, come and sit down on my jammy 1108 01:09:05,470 --> 01:09:07,038 We can do it in a big ol' bed 1109 01:09:07,038 --> 01:09:08,893 Long as you give me good ol' head 1110 01:09:08,894 --> 01:09:12,446 Yeah, girl, that's what I said, no, girl, you don't get no bread 1111 01:09:12,447 --> 01:09:14,109 She's got that kind of booty 1112 01:09:14,110 --> 01:09:15,934 Little mama, come here and do me 1113 01:09:15,935 --> 01:09:19,357 She's got that kind of booty, the type that'll drive you looney 1114 01:09:19,358 --> 01:09:21,117 She's got that kind of booty 1115 01:09:21,118 --> 01:09:22,845 Pack it up and bring it to me 1116 01:09:22,846 --> 01:09:24,637 Smack it up, let's make a movie 1117 01:09:24,638 --> 01:09:26,238 She's got that kind of booty 1118 01:09:26,238 --> 01:09:27,933 Shorty got that fat ass 1119 01:09:27,934 --> 01:09:29,661 Gets 'em harder than a math class 1120 01:09:29,662 --> 01:09:33,181 Smilin', don't you act up, just stop and back up 1121 01:09:33,182 --> 01:09:36,733 Go ahead and drop that ass low, be easy movin' that slow 1122 01:09:36,734 --> 01:09:40,349 Nobody has to know, we in the corner, though 1123 01:09:40,350 --> 01:09:43,869 You sippin' champagne, I'm drinking cognac 1124 01:09:43,870 --> 01:09:47,101 You do that damn thing, I get to bone that 1125 01:09:47,102 --> 01:09:48,989 She's got that kind of booty 1126 01:09:48,990 --> 01:09:50,781 Little mama, come here and do me 1127 01:09:50,782 --> 01:09:52,573 She's got that kind of booty 1128 01:09:52,574 --> 01:09:54,334 The type that'll drive you looney 1129 01:09:54,335 --> 01:09:55,998 She's got that kind of booty 1130 01:09:55,998 --> 01:09:57,789 Pack it up and bring it to me 1131 01:09:57,790 --> 01:09:59,486 Smack it up, let's make a movie 1132 01:09:59,487 --> 01:10:01,149 She's got that kind of booty 1133 01:10:01,150 --> 01:10:04,638 Shake that booty, sh-sh-shake, shake, shake 1134 01:10:04,638 --> 01:10:07,901 Shake that booty, sh-sh-shake, shake, shake 1135 01:10:07,902 --> 01:10:11,805 Up and down the stripper pole, got that body all swole 1136 01:10:11,806 --> 01:10:15,165 You know my package, right? You can stay the whole night 1137 01:10:15,166 --> 01:10:18,334 Lady, what you gotta do is keep me in the back of you 1138 01:10:18,335 --> 01:10:21,918 Nobody move you like I do, they call me Mr. Mac-a-do 1139 01:10:21,918 --> 01:10:25,469 They counted Tallahassee classic got 'em on my caddy 1140 01:10:25,470 --> 01:10:29,021 Girlie, let me be your daddy and we can both be happy 1141 01:10:29,022 --> 01:10:30,845 She's got that kind of booty 1142 01:10:30,846 --> 01:10:32,637 Little mama, come here and do me 1143 01:10:32,638 --> 01:10:34,398 She's got that kind of booty 1144 01:10:34,398 --> 01:10:36,189 The type that'll drive you looney 1145 01:10:36,190 --> 01:10:37,917 She's got that kind of booty 1146 01:10:37,918 --> 01:10:39,677 Pack it up and bring it to me 1147 01:10:39,678 --> 01:10:41,469 Smack it up, let's make a movie 1148 01:10:41,470 --> 01:10:43,859 She's got that kind of booty 1149 01:10:53,182 --> 01:10:58,173 My darling, the stars, they shine for you 1150 01:10:58,174 --> 01:11:02,877 My darling, the birds twitter for you 1151 01:11:02,878 --> 01:11:05,661 My darling, my heart skips a beat 1152 01:11:05,662 --> 01:11:09,754 Whenever I think of you 1153 01:11:10,206 --> 01:11:12,477 And under this moonlit sky 1154 01:11:12,478 --> 01:11:16,221 I pray and dream that I will be the one, will be the one 1155 01:11:16,222 --> 01:11:21,342 That you'll 1156 01:11:21,343 --> 01:11:26,494 Bend over and bang good and hard 1157 01:11:26,495 --> 01:11:29,022 From behind 1158 01:11:29,023 --> 01:11:34,301 Have me on all fours, howling at the sky 1159 01:11:34,302 --> 01:11:36,798 I'll give your cock a good long suck 1160 01:11:36,798 --> 01:11:39,261 Then you'll give me a good hard fuck 1161 01:11:39,262 --> 01:11:41,981 Squeeze my tits, all big and bouncy 1162 01:11:41,982 --> 01:11:44,478 Then spunk all over my body 1163 01:11:44,478 --> 01:11:48,029 I want to be your buttt-hot greasy slut 1164 01:11:48,030 --> 01:11:49,341 Greasy slut 1165 01:11:49,342 --> 01:11:53,181 Beggin' for more, for I can't get enough 1166 01:11:53,182 --> 01:11:57,245 Can't get enough 1167 01:11:57,246 --> 01:11:59,037 When I leave your tool 1168 01:11:59,038 --> 01:12:02,557 Used up, worn, and soggy 1169 01:12:02,558 --> 01:12:03,901 I won't stop then 1170 01:12:03,902 --> 01:12:05,693 Oh, no, no, no 1171 01:12:05,694 --> 01:12:11,549 I'll become your little leg-humping doggie 1172 01:12:11,550 --> 01:12:16,759 Let me be your dirty, fuckin' whore 1173 01:12:16,760 --> 01:12:20,595 Let me be your dirty, fuckin' whore